Realize
by iamkellylouise
Summary: Addison didn't realize how much she needed him until she finally broke down. Addex.


**A/N: Set in episode 1x08 of Private Practice.**

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_If you just realize what I just realized,  
__Then we'd be perfect for each other  
__And will never find another  
__Just realize what I just realized  
__We'd never have to wonder if  
__We missed out on each other now.  
_**-Realize, Colbie Caillat.**

_~x~_

"Hey" Sam said as he opened his front door to see a saddened looking Addison.

"I'm sorry I know it's past neighbor time" she said with a low hung head and an almost hoarse whisper.

"Come in, it's cold" Sam said stepping back a little, Addison walked through the house and towards the table as Sam headed for the kitchen.

"Can I get you anything, some tea or wine?"

"Wine" Addison answered almost instantly "I called Naomi but uh" she stuttered as she sat down "No one answered" she sighed placing her elbows on the table and pressing her forehead into her hands.

"D'you wanna talk about it?" Sam asked as he poured some wine.

"It was um, a night, y'know?" she sighed, a choke obvious in her voice "Just, a night and like I called Naomi and she wasn't home and I just, just couldn't, go home yet" Addison turned when she felt a soft hand on her shoulder "Hey" Naomi said quietly, Addison turned back to the table and placed one elbow against it, her forehead back in her palm as tears started to fall "Hey" she whispered, Naomi wrapped her arms around her as Sam disappeared upstairs, Addison gripped onto her slightly as she sobbed, Naomi managed to pull up a chair close to her and pulled Addison into her arms.

"Talk to me Addie" she whispered softly.

"I wanted her" Addison cried "I wanted her so much, I want that, so much"

"I know, I know you do sweetie" Naomi says kissing the top of her head "You can have that, you can adopt, you know that"

"I don't, want, to do it, alone, anymore" Addison sobbed.

"You're not alone, you have me, and Sam, you have us Addison, you are not alone" Naomi says firmly.

"I miss, I miss Alex" Addison sniffled "Which is, insane, because we barely had anything, we were nothing, not really but, I miss him"

"You miss Alex" Naomi said slowly "I thought you were over him, I thought you wanted Pete"

"I thought so too" Addison said pulling back a little "But, when I think babies, I think Alex, because our whole relationship, it was based around those babies in the NICU, and I remember, this one time, I saw him in there, he had one of the healthier preemies, the ones that could be taken out, he had her held against him, he was sat in the rocking chair and he just held her, he looked so, perfect and, I sound so pathetic" Addison sighed "God, what am I doing? I sound like some sort of, love sick teenager, he didn't want me, it's that simple, why am I doing this to myself?"

"Because you love him" Naomi said softly "Maybe, maybe you should call him"

"To say what? I know you don't love me but wanna come and shack up with me in LA?"

"You'll know what to say" Naomi said wiping the tears from Addison's cheeks "You don't have to do it now, but just think about it"

"Whatever" Addison mumbled "Anyway, why are you at Sam's?" Addison said raising her eyebrow.

"This isn't about me this is about you" Naomi said quickly.

"Uh-huh" Addison smirked knowingly.

~x~

Addison went back to her own house not long after her conversation with Naomi and even though she was calm when she walked in the door by the time she got in bed her tears started again. And she didn't know why she was crying. Whether it was the men thing or the baby thing. So she just cried anyway. She fell asleep pretty quickly, her tears making the pillow damp.

She stood in the shower for an extra 10 minutes the next morning, the water hotter than usual pounding down against her skin. When she got out and wrapped herself in a towel, her skin was visibly red. She went through her morning routine of moisturizing and straightening her hair and had to put some extra make-up on her face to dial down the red puffy eyes. She picked out a blueish purple blouse and a black skirt and as she looked at her appearance in the mirror she sighed heavily because she looked like she did on the day of the on-call room sex. But she was already running late so she had no choice but to grab her bag and run out to her car.

When she got to the office she greeted everyone with polite smiles but every person in that morning meeting noticed her distance. As soon as it was over she shot into her office. It didn't take long for Pete to try and go after her but Naomi grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"Leave her be" Naomi said simply.

"I just wanted to…."

"Leave. Her. Be" she said a little more firmly "This isn't about you, this is about something that is personal to her so respect her privacy and leave her be"

"Is she ok?" Pete asked impatiently.

"No" Naomi said quietly "But you need to leave her be"

"Fine" Pete sighed before heading into his office.

~x~

Addison headed home early that day, she only had one patient and just needed to get out, she spent the afternoon in her bikini on the beach enjoying the sun. And she even made herself a couple of cocktails just because she could. As evening came she sat on her sofa with her cell in her hand and Alex Karev's number highlighted, she sighed heavily before pressing the green button, she felt sick the entire time and after 4 rings he answered.

"Alex Karev" he said simply "Hello!" he said impatiently "Anyone there? Hello?"

"Hi" Addison managed to squeak out, she cleared her throat a little and said "Hi" again.

"Addison?" he asked slightly confused.

"Yeah um" she stuttered "You, y'know what, forget I called, I'm, I'm sorry for, interrupting or, you get on with, whatever and….."

"No Addison wait…" he said quickly but she instantly hung up, she turned her phone off and went up to her room, she got into bed and cried herself to sleep again, feeling well and truly pathetic.

~x~

A week later and everyone gathered at Addison's house for their monthly get together, and Addison forced herself to have a good time. They end up inside because it started to rain, which still surprised Addison every time.

"Addie, phone" Naomi said as the phone rang.

"Just let the machine get it" Addison shrugged, she froze when Alex's voice followed the beep.

"Hey it's, it's Alex, you don't even want to know what I had to do to get Torres to give me this number" he said with a slight laugh "But you're cells been off since you called and, and I really need to talk to you, and obviously you're not picking up but, the thing is, I screwed up, with you, I screwed up, and I pushed you away, and I pushed you so far that I come back from the two weeks off after the intern exam and you're gone, you're back in LA, you're in LA and the last thing you said to me was that you hated me"

By now everyone had literally stopped, and everyone was staring at the machine, and Addison was too stunned to even move.

"And that kind of, sucked" Alex said sadly "Because I know I hurt you but, you saying that, that you hated me, that hurt, and, you said I wanted Ava but I didn't, I don't, I've never wanted Ava, Ava was like, she was like this annoying sister I didn't ask for, and she was the one who kept pushing for me to be with you, and yes, she asked me to give her a reason to stay, and I think maybe she did have a thing for me but that was one sided, that was so one sided, because me, I wanted you, I want you Addison"

Addison let out a shaky breath and sipped on her wine as she started pacing in front of the machine.

"See, the thing about Ava is she has pretty amazing hearing, she'd lie in that bed all day and just listen, and she found out a lot of things, how many men Nurse Olivia had slept with, your 60 day sex bet with Sloan, how you wanted a guy who barbecued and played catch with his kids"

"Shit" Addison whispered, she was pretty sure she knew what was coming.

"And she told me this about an hour after me and you did the thing, the hot, intense, amazing thing and, and it scared the shit out of me, because I've never been that guy before, and you deserve so much more than a screw up like me, after Shepherd and Sloan and, all of that crap, the crap that I almost seriously risked my surgical career for because I really just wanted to punch them both in the face, I didn't want you to go through that again, so when you asked me out, I turned you down, I turned you down then because I didn't want it to be 10 years down the line when we had a family and a wedding certificate that I screwed up, I didn't want to do that to you, but then you were gone, you said you hated me and then you were gone. And I realized that, I'm not going to screw up with you, because I want that with you, the house and the dog and the kids and the life, I want that with you, and only you, so what I'm saying Addison, is that I love you, I'm in love with you, and that rain you can hear behind me" he started, and Naomi let a grin spread across her face because she knew exactly what was coming.

"That, is my very first LA rain experience, so I kind of need you to open your front door, because I know you're in, and by the amount of cars parked out here I'm pretty sure you're not the only one listening to this, I need you to open the door Addie, and let me come home, and I'll stand out here until you do, I love you Addison Montgomery, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" Alex said softly, and then the line went dead, and then Addison's wine glass was slammed onto the counter and she was running out of the front door and straight into Alex's arms.

"I'm sorry" he whispered "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you"

"I love you too" she whispered against his mouth "I love you so much, I've missed you so, so much, I love you"

"I love you more" Alex said kissing her again "But I think we should head inside because I am freezing" he laughed, Addison kissed him quickly and grabbed his hand pulling him straight into the house, not failing to notice her friends bolting back in hoping that she didn't know they were watching.

As they stood just inside her house Alex wiped the mixture of tears and rain from Addison's cheeks before kissing her again.

"I'm so sorry" he whispered

"I know" she sniffled "I, I really needed you" she breathed out "I needed you and, I, I just…"

"Sshh it's ok" he whispered, brushing her hair back a little "It's ok, I'm here, I'm right here, and I'm ready, for anything you want I'm ready, if you want kids, we'll have kids, we'll do anything you want Addie, I promise"

"I can't have kids anymore" she whispered.

"What d'you mean?" he frowned, stroking her cheek softly.

"I mean, I can't, have kids anymore" she said quietly.

"It's ok" he said softly "It's ok, we can work it out, we'll work something out, I promise you, we'll work it out together, I love you, I'm right here, I love you Addie"

"I love you too" Addison whispered "I should, I should probably go and, talk to everyone" she said gesturing to the living room.

"Ok" he smiled kissing her softly, she took his hand and led him through to the living room where everyone was sat, they all looked up at them curiously.

"Guys this is Alex" she said quietly "Alex this is my best friend Naomi" she said gesturing to Naomi "This is Sam, Violet, Cooper, Dell and Pete" she said pointing everyone out "We all work at the practice together"

"Hey" Alex nodded.

"Hey" everyone replied, some still looking completely confused.

"Ok, I'm gonna go, get my stuff from my car" Alex said kissing Addison softly "You can talk about me now"

"Ok" Addison laughed "Put it all on the stairs or something, we'll sort it out later"

"Ok" he smiled before leaving.

"Told you you should've called him" Naomi smirked.

"I did!" Addison exclaimed "But I kind of hung up before he could say anything"

"Right" Naomi said with a laugh "But I swear, if he hurts you again…."

"He won't" Addison said softly "Uh, Pete, can we, talk, in the kitchen" she stuttered.

"Sure" Pete sighed following her.

"I just, I wanted you to know that, I do like you Pete, a lot, even though you stood me up but, Alex he, I love him"

"I know" Pete said softly "Don't worry about me Addison"

"You sure?"

"I'm sure" he said hugging her "I'll kick his ass if he hurts you"

"Me too" Addison laughed.

~x~

"Mmm, that was amazing" Addison sighed contently as she snuggled into Alex's body, the bed sheets wrapped around them.

"It was" he whispered kissing her temple "I love you Addie"

"I love you too" Addison smiled.

"Why, why did you call, last week?" Alex stuttered.

"We're doing this thing at the practice, it's called Safe Surrender, mothers who need a quick out call us and we go and collect the baby, they get 2 weeks to change their mind, me and Pete took a baby girl from this teenager, and I looked after her for the whole day, I completely fell in love with her, I called her Batgirl" she said with a laugh "She made these really cute screechy noises like a bat, she was, beautiful, and god I just wanted her so much, I knew I couldn't have her but, I wanted her, and then the Mom came to us and she took her back, named her Melanie, and it just, made me think of you, babies make me think of you and, I don't even know what I was going to say, which is why I hung up"

"We can fix this Addison, we can get you a baby, we can, I promise you"

"Do you really want it?" she said looking up at him "Because we have to, we have to do what's right for us, not just me, so if having kids isn't really what you want, we need to talk about that"

"Addie, I want us to have kids ok? All kinds of kids, it's what I want, for us"

"Ok" Addison smiled "Ok" she whispered against his mouth.

"Get some sleep babe" Alex said softly "I'll be here when you wake up, I promise"

"Ok" Addison nodded "Night" she yawned.

"Night" he said softly, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck softly before they slowly fell asleep.

_End._


End file.
